Different Destinies
by rvn89
Summary: For the "Black Balloon" contest. Post-BD.Jacob accidentally blurts out a secret that he's kept from Nessie for 8yrs, causing her to walk away. Will the separation tear them apart, or can they live separate lives? Rated M for a little darkness alcoholism .


**The Black Balloon Contest**

**Title: Different Destinies**

**Pen name: bonded2jasper**

**Characters: Jacob/Renesmee**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Stephanie Meyer owns everything pertaining to Twilight (and possibly parts of my soul).**

**A/N: Warning: This fic includes characters dealing with alcoholism and depression. **

_Friday, April 24, 2009_

He held her gently, breathing in the sweet smell of her skin as they lay in bed together. Jacob loved Renesmee so much. He couldn't believe that he was fated to love such a perfect creature.

Renesmee lay curled up in the crook of his arm, smiling. She was so happy to have someone who loved her as much as Jacob did . . . even if it bothered her sometimes that it was because of a genetic stipulation.

But their love had grown past that, right?

All of the devotion he showed her wasn't just because of the imprint. It was because of where they were as a couple. Right?

Jacob nudged her and asked, "What's up?"

She realized she had gotten lost in her musings and smiled again., "Just thinking about us and how far we've come."

He cocked an eyebrow and grinned. "Yeah?"

Renesmee grinned back. "Yeah."

The couple relaxed and resumed their quiet cuddling. Jacob leaned over and pressed his lips against hers, and they began to kiss. It wasn't long before their tongues were exploring each others' mouths; Jacob started getting so into the make-out session that Renesmee found herself putting aside her worries and enjoying it too.

Jacob removed his lips from hers to nuzzle her neck and, as he breathed her in, he moaned and said, "I can't believe I once wanted to kill someone so amazing."

It took a moment for Renesmee to mentally register what he said, but as soon as she did, she pushed him away. "What?"

Jacob looked at her quizzically and asked, "Didn't I ever tell you?"

Her brow furrowed and her mouth turned into a hard line. "No, you haven't. Now tell me."

Jacob sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. "Nessie, it doesn't even matter—it was before you were even born."

Renesmee stood her ground. "So, if it doesn't matter, then it won't be a big deal for you to tell me."

Jacob frowned, then looked at her ashamedly and admitted, "When Bella was carrying you, I wanted to kill you. As you know, I was in love with her and saw you as nothing more than another monster trying to take away what I had of her. Even after you were born, before I saw your face, I had determined that as soon as I could, I would kill you."

Renesmee's was astonished. "But it wasn't my fault. I was just a baby, not even born yet. If I had any control over what I was doing, I wouldn't have hurt her. How could you blame me? How could you blame me to the point THAT YOU WANTED TO KILL ME?"

Jacob pleaded, "Please try to understand. I loved Bella so much, and all I could think about were the ways that the future we could've had was being taken from me. I understand now. Please, Nessie."

Renesmee looked at Jacob, and he looked so sad that she almost forgave him right then and there, but she couldn't do that. "You wanted to kill me until you imprinted on me. So, if it weren't for a genetic stipulation, you would've murdered me when I was born. I'm sorry, but I just can't get past that. I can't believe that destiny would match me with someone who would so thoroughly hate me if he had his free will."

So Renesmee walked away.

_Four months later, Tuesday, August 24, 2009_

Renesmee still wasn't back. Her family hadn't heard from her since she left the house following a shouting match over their silence on the subject of how Jacob felt about her before he imprinted. She knew that her father harbored ill will towards her while she was in the womb, before he was able to hear her thoughts, and realized that she loved her mother. She also knew that Grandpa Carlisle had advised her mother to have an early C-section to save her human life.

Both her father and grandfather had been honest with her, and it was in the past. So why had her family kept this from her? Were they so determined that she and Jacob would end up together that they hid the truth from her to make it happen? Even her Aunt Rose had kept this piece of information from her despite the fact that she and Jacob didn't like each other at all.

It hurt her that no one deemed it necessary to tell her the truth. She needed some time before she could forgive them-- if she ever could.

There was a time when Renesmee hadn't felt anything other than friendship for Jacob. She tried to love Jacob as much as he loved her, but she just hadn't feel anything other than friendship for him. When he told her he loved her, she reciprocated by channeling how much she loved him as a friend into her reply. She never wanted to hurt him by telling him the truth about her feelings. Everyone expected her to love him back eventually, because all of the other imprintees seemed to feel just as strongly as the werewolves who imprinted on them did. She hated herself for being different.

Jacob woke up every morning missing Nessie; he missed her so much it hurt. Literally—her absence was physically painful for him. He was so miserable that he had only left the house for wolf duties.

He wished that he hadn't kept his previous feelings toward Nessie from her, but he had been honest—he really had an honest change of heart, beyond the one that the imprint had forced upon him. He loved how sweet she was and found her stubbornness endearing. He was fascinated by how adult she could seem five minutes after throwing a temper-tantrum worthy of her ten and a half years of life. She was truly a beautiful, incredible person. She was his woman-child, and he loved her for it.

But, he had let Nessie go, because that was what she wanted. He had known for quite some time that Nessie didn't feel the same way about him as he felt about her. Whenever he told her that he loved her, she said it back, but the look in her eyes told him that she meant it differently.

He felt like a selfish jerk for staying with her despite the fact that she didn't love him when he should have released her from whatever obligation she felt towards him. He had convinced himself that he was doing the right thing for her, because no one could love her like he could, no one could be as devoted as he was. And even though he had asked Bella rhetorically why the girls on whom one of the werewolves had imprinted wouldn't want to be with someone who was so completely devoted to them, he wondered if he was right.

Was complete and utter devotion enough? Was it possible that sometimes someone just can't love you, no matter how committed you are? Did loving someone more than anyone else could possibly love them mean that you were who they wanted, or did they long for a love based on choice and free will rather than supernatural forces spurred on by genetic compatibility?

All of them had taken it for granted that the imprint would work both ways and she would feel just as strongly as he did. After all, who wouldn't want to be with the person that destiny chose for them?

_A stubborn woman-child, that's who_, he thought wryly.

Jacob walked out of his room and into the kitchen where he had stored some booze in the refrigerator—the other reason he had left. His body metabolized alcohol quickly, so it didn't affect him for very long, but he tried his damnedest to stay drunk as long as possible until he had to go out on patrol or to a pack meeting.

Those were the worst times. When he was sober, his mind always wandered back to the day she left. It was all his fault she was gone, and he didn't know if she would ever forgive him and come back.

_Another Four Months Later, Wednesday, February 24, 2010_

Renesmee found something interesting about herself: as she got older, she actually liked human food more and more. When she was a baby, she could barely stomach formula. Of course, there was no proof that completely-human babies loved the stuff either, but White Chocolate Mocha was becoming one of her favorite drinks—she sometimes found herself craving it more than blood. She was at a Chicago Starbucks, getting the aforementioned coffee drink, when he approached her. "Hi, my name's Adam, and you are?" he asked with a smile.

"Renesmee," she answered with a smile.

She was about to hand over the money for her purchase when he waved her hand away, saying, "Allow me."

She found her smile growing even wider. "My, what a gentleman," she said coquettishly.

They sat down with their drinks and chatted. When Renesmee realized she had been sitting and talking with this man for an hour, she exclaimed, "Oh, no! I forgot all about the time! I'm supposed to meet a friend in half an hour." She sighed, "I have to go."

Adam frowned and then looked at her hopefully. "Maybe I could get your number, and we could do this again sometime?" He paused and then added, "Or maybe we could get together in a more formal setting? Dinner, maybe?"

She thought for a moment. She hadn't dated since she walked out on Jacob eight months ago. She didn't think she deserved happiness when she had broken her best friend's heart. But it wasn't her fault that she didn't feel the same way he did, and it _certainly_ wasn't her fault that no one bothered to be honest with her.

So she made her decision. "I would like that a lot," she told Adam, as she wrote down her phone number for him.

As she skipped off to hail a taxi, she smiled and decided it might be time to call her family and reconcile.

Even a werewolf couldn't get away with abusing his body forever. After eight months of near-constant alcohol consumption, Jacob was starting to feel the effects. Of course, they weren't permanent. Even in normal people, the liver regenerated itself, and it was possible for it to recover from short-term abuse.

Even so, he was feeling the effects, and they had affected his ability to lead the pack. Charlie, despite his age and status as a normal human, was probably in better shape than he was at the moment.

Still, Jacob trudged along, hoping that his beautiful woman-child would return to him.

That was what was draining him--not the alcohol consumption. Less powerful beings had drunk as much and for a longer period of time without becoming as weak.

It was Renesmee's absence, her complete and utter rejection. He didn't need to have a romantic relationship with her. He just needed her presence and acceptance.

Without her, he could quit drinking, take vitamins, eat a perfectly balanced diet and do the daily recommended amount of cardio and he would still be in terrible shape. A werewolf who has no contact with his imprintee is like a person with one lung—one could survive, but almost everything was twice as hard because of the deficiency. Only it was worse than doing without a lung, because it was a deficiency of spirit. So not only was the body weakening, but the spirit wasn't strong enough to give the will to make the effort to become healthy again.

The phone rang, and Jacob answered. "Hello?" he slurred.

Leah let out an exasperated suspiration. "Jacob, are you drunk again?"

He smirked, hiccupped and replied, "Maaayyybe."

She let out another sigh. "We have an inter-pack meeting in an hour-and-a-half. The guys in the other pack may know and understand that you're going through some shit right now, but I will not have them seeing our Alpha in a dirty, drunken stupor. Get in the shower, and I'll be over to brew some coffee so that you at least _appear_ sober."

Renesmee scrolled through her address book and found the number for the main house. She hoped that everyone would be home.

"Hello?" a voice on the line interrupted her worries.

"Grandma? It's me, Renesmee." A pause.

_Oh, no_, she thought. _I've been away and haven't spoken to them for so long that they don't even want to talk to me_.

Her grandmother's voice interrupted Nessie's worried inner-dialogue. "Renesmee? Is that really you?"

_Grandma Esme sounds hopeful, so maybe I'm wrong_, Renesmee thought. _Maybe she was just shocked_. "Yeah, Grandma, it's really me."

Her grandmother cried, "Oh, Renesmee, you have no idea how worried we've been. We thought you would never forgive us."

"Us?" she inquired.

Her grandmother exclaimed, "Oh, yes, _us_. Since you left, everyone has hoped you would call us. Your parents even moved back into your father's old bedroom, so that they would be here if you called. We've all been so worried...and feel so guilty."

Renesmee whispered, "Yeah?"

Esme whispered back, "Yeah.,"

Renesmee listened to the phone change hands, then heard her mother's voice ask, "Renesmee? Nessie?"

A small smile crossed her face. "Yeah, Mom, it's me."

Her mother immediately rambled, "Oh, baby, we've been so worried. We're so sorry that we weren't honest with you. We thought we were doing the right thing, but we were just lying to ourselves. I'm so sorry if you felt like we were looking out for Jacob's happiness and not yours. The only thing I've ever wanted is for you to be safe and happy."

Tears came to Renesmee's eyes, because she had thought exactly what her mother had suggested she was thinking.

"Oh, Mom," Renesmee cried, "I'm sorry I've been away for so long. I really did think that you were looking out for Jake's happiness at the expense of my own. I was so wrong."

Renesmee paused, asking herself if she even wanted to know the answer to next question, but decided she did. "…How is Jake doing, by the way?"

Bella paused, and Renesmee knew instinctively that it was because she was trying to figure out how to break the less-than-good news. "Just spill it, Mom. I can take the truth," Renesmee told her.

Bella paused a moment longer, then asked, "Are you _sure_ you can handle the truth? It's not good."

Renesmee steeled herself for the news and said, "Yes. I need to know, and I can handle what's happened to my friend."

Bella breathed in an unneeded breath to center herself and began, "It's not good, Renesmee. After you left, Jacob took up drinking. The alcohol has had more of an impact than anyone expected. The only time he's not drunk is when he first wakes in the morning, when he's performing pack duties, or when he attends pack meetings. He's utterly miserable and nobody knows what to do."

The news made Renesmee feel terrible, but it also brought her an odd sense of calm, because she knew that she had done the right thing. If the imprint bond had been mutual, she would be just as miserable. She knew that leaving had been the right to do, because her destiny truly wasn't with him. She had been lying to him, herself, and everyone else by trying to force herself to love him when she wasn't supposed to.

"Is there anything I can do?" Renesmee asked her mother.

There was a pause, then an answer: "I don't think so, honey. I think Jacob is just going to have to learn how to live without you."

Again, Renesmee felt validated in her decision to leave. The other imprintees had always said that when someone gave them advice, they could sense whether or not it was right for their relationship or their man. Renesmee had no such sense when it came to the advice she just received.

Renesmee changed the subject. "Maybe I could visit soon. I would really like to see the family again." In a way, Renesmee posed her statement as a question, but not really, because she already knew the answer.

"Of course! You can visit whenever you like." She hesitated. "You could even come back to live here . . . if you want."

Renesmee thought about it for a moment and was just about to speak when her mother added hastily, "Of course, you don't _have_ to move back here. It was just a suggestion. You do whatever you need to do."

"It's not that I don't love you guys or that I have a problem with living under the same roof again. I just really think that, for now at least, my life is here in Chicago. But I would love to visit. I'm actually ahead of schedule right now on my work, so I can afford to take a few days off and visit over a long weekend."

Bella instantly perked up. "Sounds wonderful, sweetie. I'll tell everyone you're coming."

As soon as Renesmee ended the call, her phone rang again. She answered without checking the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Hi, Renesmee, it's Adam. You still interested in going to dinner with me?"

Leah succeeded in fooling everybody into thinking that Jacob was sober, except for his pack mates who could obviously hear his inner-drunk. Unfortunately, he could hear their thoughts, too, and he was just sober enough to be incapable of being blissfully unaware of their content.

_Poor guy—so lovesick..._

_Used to be such a fighter..._

Jacob hated himself for being so weak. But without Nessie, he couldn't even be bothered to try to better the situation. He felt guilty that he wasn't doing the best job he could in the pack, but what options did he have? He could keep trudging on, hoping for her return, he could just give up and totally let the pack down, he could try to move on--

_He could try to move on._

He had never even considered it as an option until just now. If Nessie could move on with her life, he could too.

_I mean, a werewolf is supposed to do whatever their imprintee wants them to do, and Nessie wants me to be happy. Right? Of course, she wants me to be happy. Nessie isn't the type who hold grudges, and she would want a dear, old friend to have a good life_, Jacob rationalized.

He sat up a little straighter and actually tried to focus on what Sam was saying to the two packs. Leah cocked an eyebrow. Apparently, she had been paying close attention to Sam's speech, because she hadn't heard his epiphany.

_What's going on, Black?_ Leah asked.

Jacob stared straight ahead so that he wouldn't tip off anyone who couldn't already hear that they were having an internal conversation. _I just realized that Nessie would want me to be happy and that I have to move on with my life. No more drunken stupors for me. _

Leah suppressed a smile and gave a small, quick nod. _I'm happy for you, Jacob. I've missed my friend._ And then, just in case he thought she had gone all mushy on him, she added, _and I was tired of cleaning your drunk ass up all the time. You're being drunk all the time creates way too much work for me._

It was Jacob's turn to suppress a smile. _Well, we wouldn't want the pack princess to have to do any extra work, now would we?_

Leah shot him a menacing look, but he knew that she knew he was joking with her.

_Good to have you back, man. We've been worried you wouldn't find your way again_, Seth told him.

Jacob nodded, _Good to be back. I was worried about the same thing myself. _

_The next day_

Renesmee was trying to find something to wear when her cell phone rang. "Hello?"

"Hi, honey, how are you?"

"Mom, I'm trying to get ready for a date," Renesmee replied exasperatedly.

"A date? With whom?" Bella asked in what she hoped sounded like an innocently curious voice.

"Yes, Mother, a date. With this guy named Adam that I met in the coffee shop," Renesmee explained. "We're going to dinner at this place called Rosebud Prime."

Renesmee could tell her mother was curious for more than the sake of motherly interest, especially when she asked, "Are you sure you're ready for that?"

Renesmee sighed, "Mom, it's been eight months. I have to move on."

Bella conceded, "I know, I know. I guess I've always been worried that you gave up on you and Jake too quickly, and I don't want you to make any decisions that would cause you to further stray from what might be your destiny."

"Mom, I know you're worried that I was wrong and that Jacob really is my destiny, but I know that he's not. I have nothing in common with those other girls who were imprinted on. They talk about this incredible connection and compulsive love, and I just don't feel anything other than friendship towards Jake."

Bella gave a resigned sigh. "Okay, I just wanted to make sure that your stubbornness wasn't getting the better of you. I didn't want you to reject Jacob just because you felt like everyone was forcing him on you."

Renesmee sat down on her bed and shook her head, even though her mother couldn't see it. "No, Mom. Just the opposite. I knew I was supposed to love him, and he had been so good to me that I tried and tried to love him. I wanted to love him because he had been such a good friend to me throughout my life, and he deserved to be happy. I just couldn't muster anything other than a friend's affection for him though.

"And when I found out how he felt before he imprinted on me, the whole thing just felt so false. And, Mom, you can say that he has realized that he was wrong and that the past is the past, but he withheld it for eight years instead of being honest with me like Dad and Grandpa were and that makes a difference. He was originally forced to love me even though he hated me, and that makes me feel like anything we have is false, meaningless and makes any effort to love him seem pretty ridiculous, don't you think?"

"I have to admit, when I look at it that way, I can see your point," Bella agreed. "Have a good time on your date."

"I will, Mom. I'll talk to you later. I have to finish getting ready."

"Bye, sweetie."

After Renesmee's date with Adam, she lay back on her bed, and a giggle unexpectedly erupted from her. She was so happy. She never knew she could have such a good time. The Rosebud Prime was very elegant, without a hint of pretension, and the service and food were so good. He was surprised that she had never been to the Rosebud since it was a local favorite, until he learned that she had only been in the city for eight months.

He claimed that residence under a year was still "tourist status," and she couldn't be expected to know about all the amazing stuff in the city. They shared a coconut shrimp appetizer. Renesmee ordered the New York strip with herbed butter and baked macaroni and cheese. Adam ordered pan-seared, jumbo sea scallops with country wild rice, and they drank Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio '06. For dessert, they each had a Chocolate Martini.

After dinner, they went to the I.C.E. Chatham 14 and saw _Valentine's Day_. It was a cute movie, and they had a good laugh. After the movie, they hailed a cab to head back to their respective apartments, and Adam walked Renesmee to the door of hers where they kissed.

Adam took her face in his hands and kissed her gently. It had been awhile since she'd experienced the magic of a first kiss. She had started dating about two years ago, and Jacob was the only other person she'd ever kissed. She had forgotten how beautiful a simple first kiss could be, a moment filled with potential and promise and absolutely incredible. Whether or not Adam was her destiny, it was definitely a wonderful night.

Jacob was doing pretty well for himself. He quit drinking with the help of his friends, particularly Seth and Leah. He got his job at the body shop back. He'd lost it while he was drinking constantly.

He heard about Nessie's date and almost fell off the wagon, but he couldn't help being happy for her. He would probably never find anyone, because she was his destiny, despite the apparent fact that he wasn't hers.

"Hi, Jake," Renesmee greeted him when she saw him during her visit home.

"Hi, Nessie. What have you been up to?"

She adjusted her purse and smiled, "Oh, you know . . . the usual—hanging out, writing—just normal stuff. What about you—what are you up to these days?"

Jacob shrugged, "Working at the shop, pack duties, hanging with your folks—stuff like that."

Renesmee was a little surprised. "You still talk to my family?"

He cocked an eyebrow. "Is that a problem?"

She shook her head vehemently, "No, no. I just thought it might be awkward for you."

He smiled. "It took awhile. Until you called and made-up with them, your family felt like talking to me might be betraying you. And I stayed away for awhile because...well, Bella told you that I didn't react well. We don't need to go into specifics.

"Anyway, after I realized that I needed to live my life and move on, I knew that Bella and the rest of your family was a part of that life. So . . . I started visiting again."

In a normal "friendly exes" situation, this would be where Renesmee would ask about a lucky lady in Jacob's life, but she already knew there wasn't one, and it would've just been uncomfortable for her to ask about it.

After a moment of mutual foot shuffling, Jacob cleared his throat and asked quietly, "So, um, how are you and that guy?"

Renesmee looked up from where she had been concentrating on a patch of grass and replied, "Adam? Oh, he's great, we're great. I'm really happy with him."

Jacob smiled weakly. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah."

They walked away. Their story wasn't one of those cheesy romantic-comedies where the couple breaks up, realizes how right they are together, and reunites.

He loved, she tried, they lost, and now they were moving on with separate lives. They might have been separated by different destinies, but they would always be friends.


End file.
